Injuries suck

So, I need to come clean with my few loyal followers....

I am struggling right now. I am frustrated.  I feel like this little guy:

Banged up bear

Work is a little stressful right now, yes....but I am dealing more with stress in the form of that picture above....injuries.  Let's talk about what I'm feeling right now..

1. Left elbow hurts- still need to get surgery, and sometimes it full blown throbs in pain. Other times it's a constant, dull, low level of ache type of pain.  But it's ALWAYS THERE!!  It's exhausting to always have a low level of pain. Mentally and physically.

2. Right elbow hurts occasionally.....even after having surgery and being "cleared"

3. About 3 weeks ago I had some left arch pain so I took 2 days off, and then was able to do a great 3 mile tempo run.  Only did 1 mile fast and my legs felt great.

4. The very next day....the top of my right foot started to hurt, so I took some time off- a week to be exact- and saw my doctor.  I thought it was related to this:

Got stepped on by my horse in December 2012- the picture is from then

Even got another x-ray.  It was clear, except some calcification of the bone that basically showed that I was in pain for a while and the bone had to get all strengthened as a result. Yay? Got cleared to ease back in....I did, the pain was back after a little over a mile of a slow, easy run.  Took a few days off then eased back in...I did under 3 miles with a mixture of walking and running, with some breaks and I felt fine throughout and afterwards.  The next day (maybe this was a mistake?) I wanted to run a little on the beach as the sun was rising.  We were in Myrtle Beach for vacation, I am entitled!!

Less than half a mile in my darn LEFT foot starts smarting.  And I was going SLOW and light on my feet. Like 15 min/mile slow.  Heart rate at 135 bpm slow.  On purpose. So....WHAT?!  I walked another mile or so because I refused to have gotten up at 5:30am and turn it in after half a mile.  Colleen was pissed. And in pain. Bad combination, especially when on vacation.

So, that happened on the morning of July 4th.

sad runner

It is now July 10th.

Colleen has not run since July 4th.  I haven't done a decent distance run (3 miles or more) since June 19th. OMG! Didn't really realize that till I had to look it up.  Fail.



Well, I am mad about it damaging my body, true...but mainly because it means I can't run. Yeah.....every time I see a runner I ache a little inside.  This started a couple weeks ago as a little longing and missing the run and now has morphed into borderline wet eyes every time I see a runner.  Especially somebody who is obviously a serious runner and out for a long run or is totally killing it.  I have been caught day dreaming in the middle of a conversation when we pass a runner because I'm thinking about some old great runs and day dreaming about runs in the future when I'm not in pain. Several times I have blurted out at them "great job" like we are racing and I'm cheering them on.  Luckily I have only reverted to this sad and pathetic state when alone so my loved ones think I'm still sane...maybe...

It's not just my brain and heart that is mad about my current state- my body is mad that I'm not running.  It still wants to eat like I'm running and doesn't like that I've gained prolly 5lbs since mid June.   Going on vacation and indulging in some new stuff and not being able to run it off and create that much loved calorie deficit....it sucks.  So, I am dragging my sorry, somewhat bigger, butt into a weight watchers meeting tonight to weigh in and face the scale like a good member.  Since I'm lifetime I will have to pay for the meeting since I am definitely going to be over my goal weight....but it's worth it. I need a reality check!

I have been doing cross training so don't jump down my throat about biking and elliptical- I've been doing that. I even strength trained a couple times and that's always good.   This morning I even caught a spin class....where half way in my left foot told me that standing was not feeling great.  REALLY?!

So yeah....sorry this is such a downer post, but it's my reality right now.  I keep playing phone tag with my doctor because I'm hoping she will give me a script to return to physical therapy.  Hopefully Barb and Mark can help me figure out what I'm doing wrong, maybe it's a running form thing, or a foot strengthening thing.  I know they aren't magicians, but I'm hoping they can help me.... I'm sick of the elliptical and bike, and I want to RUN.


What do you do to pick yourself up when you are discouraged about an injury? HELP!

Just breathe

I am sitting here at BWI airport feeling like I am about to come out of my skin in frustration.  So I thought maybe writing about it would be constructive and help me calm down.

So you know already about my stupid foot.  Which is presently being elevated on my suitcase.  My doctor would be so proud.... It's not very painful anymore but I am still limping a bit and am supposed to minimize impact on it for another 2 weeks.  Can I just- 2 WEEKS!?!?! REALLY?!?!

Ok, breathing.

Yesterday, on my way to an EXCEED (4 hour client experience workshop) session that I was facilitating in Germantown, MD (think DC area) I got into an accident on I-95.  It was minor, luckily nobody was hurt and it wasn't my fault.  There was heavy traffic, I had to slam on my brakes and the car behind me didn't stop and rear-ended me.  I actually did feel a jolt from the impact and there is a little damage on my bumper from it.  Her car though, looked pretty mangled. Yay for my Honda to the rescue!  Because of getting hit, I then hit the car in front of me.  Luckily the other two drivers, both women, were very nice and friendly and we quickly exchanged information.  Then one said that since the back car had to be towed, we would all need to wait because the police needed to be called and a report written up.  Fantastic.  So 45 minutes later we are finally all leaving.....and I am about 20 minutes late to my session and still have to set everything up because I'm the one leading it.  On a side note, I will say that Geico is really easy to work with around claims- I was very impressed with their speed and professionalism.

thanks Geico!

After the first 20 minutes or so of feeling guilty and upset for being so late (even though it wasn't my fault and I was all set to be there 30 minutes early actually), I got into a groove and started having fun like I always do during EXCEED.  This is no doubt my favorite training sessions to give and I know it like the back of my hand.  That makes me very good at it, too.  I'm not bragging- it's just the truth, and I've heard it from several associates that I've never met before in different markets.  I just facilitated two sessions in the NJ market and received several acknowledgement emails from the associates that attended which made me feel really special. :)

So....after the session I had a conference call, had to stop by a hospital to deliver some supplies (I won't have to do that again come January 1st!), and then picked up Ding to bring him to our local Banfield in White Marsh.  He has been scratching at his scar on his neck and has even opened up a new wound above it.  His fur is so thick that I just found it on Monday.  They did a fungal culture, shaved and cleaned the area, and gave him a depo shot to help with the itching.  He also needs antibiotics twice a day, which luckily can just be mixed in his food.  Poor Adrian has to take responsibility for that one since I will be gone from home in the NY market for 3 days.

Ding exploring in the exam room

In he goes! Glad he was having fun!

While I waited for him to get shaved and treated, I went to a weight watchers meeting since I won't have any time while in NY.  I was expecting a little gain because I had been sedentary for 2.5 days due to my foot.  What I wasn't expecting was a 3 LB GAIN!!!  I've been cutting down on my food to counteract my decreased activity so I was PISSED.   The meeting was ok, and I am glad I went because I need to stay accountable, but I was so frustrated the whole time it was hard to focus.

And now that brings us to today....My flight is now scheduled to leave at 11:10am as of the last update call I received.  It was supposed to leave at 9:30, arriving in NYC, LGA around 11:00am which gave me plenty of time to get my rental car, pick up snacks for the session, grab a quick lunch, and get all set up before the 1:00pm start at the location that is about 45 minutes from the airport.  Luckily, I just got a hold of the leader there who I am helping out by spending 3 days in her market delivering this training.  I will also be driving over 10 hours when all is said and done over the 3 days because I need to also deliver training near Ithaca, NY then come back to Long Island.  Basically- she owes me. Big.  She's a good friend and a great leader and I respect her greatly, so really she owes me nothing but maybe a strong drink. lol.

So, she is taking care of finding somebody that will be getting snacks there, I'm going to try to find some type of to-go lunch at this airport so it'll be ready to eat in the rental car on the drive to the location.  If you have ever flown into LGA you know it is a tiny, crappy airport with very little food.  And...we postponed the training to 2:00pm.  That means it will run 2:00-6:00pm.   Afterwards I need to drive nearly 4 hours to Ithaca. Fantastic, huh?  I'm so looking forward to checking into my hotel no earlier than 10:00pm tonight......Sarcasm people, sarcasm.

Understand perhaps why I am frustrated?  I will admit, that did really help to type it all out.  Just keep swimming....

Frustrations

This week has been very weird.  In some ways it was good and in other ways it has been uber frustrating.

If you read about the tennis elbow update during my last post you can guess one of my biggest health frustrations this week.  Well, after having the injection which was supposed to make the pain go away for a while....I woke up the next morning (Wednesday) with pain radiating from my elbow.  Not cool.  I kept doing research and have decided I really only have one option:

Surgery

So, now I am just waiting to hear back from my doctor about what the next steps are.  It's going to suck having to miss some work and some workout time but I am hopeful that the 90% success rate won't leave me in the cold but instead happily feeling better and killing it in the gym- and with P90X2.

Wednesday I was up and out of the house super duper early for work, which meant I got home earlier than usual so squeezed in P90X Plyo before my weight watchers meeting.  It was probably one of the best efforts I've put into a workout like that by myself before.  Sometimes doing the dvds at home by myself I lose some of my umph but that hasn't been the case lately. YES.

I was feeling pumped and excited to weigh in.....and then I GAINED 2.8 LBS.  Yeah, you read that correctly.  Usually when I gain I feel sadness and frustration.  This time I was ANGRY.  PISSED.  Yes, I enjoyed Thanksgiving a little more than planned.  But that was one day!  The other variable may be might tight calves that led to rest days on both Monday and Tuesday.  But, I killed all my workouts on all the other days and ate very clean and light on Monday and Tuesday to compensate for the rest day.  Sometimes I just HATE the scale. 

I was eating food like this!

So today I planned a killer workout to get myself focused on losing this extra weight and getting back to normal.  I was going to run my 9 minutes that I am up to with my shoe transition in full swing then take a spin class.  I warmed up, stretched a little and started running...and after 2 minutes my left ankle suddenly was shooting pain up from the bone.  So, I was smart and immediately stopped running.  And....then I was limping on the treadmill.  Ummm it freaking hurt.  Can we say frustrating?!!!!

So after feeling super angry about the week as a whole, I spent some time stretching, massaging, and rotating my ankle around.... and luckily it's feeling much better.  I'm crossing my fingers that when I wake up it feels good and I can get a killer workout in tomorrow.  No classes at the gym on Friday afternoon so maybe a little Insanity?


Does the scale ever just make you angry?  How do you combat those feelings and move on?