Post from the Air....

An entry written on the flight to Portland.....

Hello, internet friends!  Right now, I am looking out a little airplane window at the Cascades Mountains, and it is surely a beautiful sight to behold.  It really takes your breath away.

I’m trying to keep in mind the beauty in life, but it’s hard when pain is an ever present and constant friend.  Right now, my feet have calmed down from their previous flaring pain that had me limping slowly and painfully through Chicago Midway airport to catch this flight.  My left elbow though….I awkwardly fell asleep as people will when they got less than 4 hours of terrible sleep the night before 8+ hrs of traveling. In coordination with my elbow, I have the searing lower back pain that will come from that nasty and awkward sleep that my brain seemed so desperate for.  I’m confident that a good stretch and some movement of both will make me feel better- which will only exasperate my foot.

Sometimes….life just doesn't seem fair.  For the past 2 days I've been feeling like a shell of myself.  Going through the motions but not able to focus very well and having a hard time being happy.  I haven’t felt this sluggish and low spirited in years….and I HATE IT.

A visit with my physical therapist and lots of foot manipulating and prodding has her thinking I could potentially have a stress fracture on one or both of my feet.  Of course it could be something else, but that’s a possibility.  Can you say SCARY?  The funny (really not so funny, duh) thing was that my feet weren't feeling too bad till my feet got poked and prodded and my pt when searching for pain.   I know it was important, and in reality it has brought me back to reality about this injury.  Because not even 6 hours after the apt, I was walking in Target for 10 minutes and by the time I got to my car both of my feet were throbbing and all I could think was of how fast I could get home to ice them.

Actually those exact thoughts were screaming in my head 4 hours ago before this long flight.  I was thinking that maybe I should ask a restaurant for some ice….but then I needed to get on the flight because it took so bloody long for me to hobble around and find some oatmeal and then get to my gate.  I guess if I was smart I would have just asked the flight attendant for 2 bags of ice when I got on board…..  Maybe it’s something I can do on the way home.

Frankly….it sucks being in pain like this. And I’m really concerned about having a full work week in Portland for a big conference.  Then next week….a new hospital opening where I will be on my feet for 8+ hrs each day.  Ugggggh.  I will get through it, I'm just not currently sure exactly how without exercise....and it's the mental struggle I'm worried about with not exercise.

So, fast forward, I am now at the hotel and am being a good patient: RICE time. Aka rest, ice, compression, and elevation. I have my feet currently in compression socks (as they have been all day), elevated, and with ice on them.  They are all tingly and thanking me for the ice after what would normally be a small amount of walking but right now feels like I ran a marathon. No joke....

What do you do to keep sane when you can't exercise?

Injuries suck

So, I need to come clean with my few loyal followers....

I am struggling right now. I am frustrated.  I feel like this little guy:

Banged up bear

Work is a little stressful right now, yes....but I am dealing more with stress in the form of that picture above....injuries.  Let's talk about what I'm feeling right now..

1. Left elbow hurts- still need to get surgery, and sometimes it full blown throbs in pain. Other times it's a constant, dull, low level of ache type of pain.  But it's ALWAYS THERE!!  It's exhausting to always have a low level of pain. Mentally and physically.

2. Right elbow hurts occasionally.....even after having surgery and being "cleared"

3. About 3 weeks ago I had some left arch pain so I took 2 days off, and then was able to do a great 3 mile tempo run.  Only did 1 mile fast and my legs felt great.

4. The very next day....the top of my right foot started to hurt, so I took some time off- a week to be exact- and saw my doctor.  I thought it was related to this:

Got stepped on by my horse in December 2012- the picture is from then

Even got another x-ray.  It was clear, except some calcification of the bone that basically showed that I was in pain for a while and the bone had to get all strengthened as a result. Yay? Got cleared to ease back in....I did, the pain was back after a little over a mile of a slow, easy run.  Took a few days off then eased back in...I did under 3 miles with a mixture of walking and running, with some breaks and I felt fine throughout and afterwards.  The next day (maybe this was a mistake?) I wanted to run a little on the beach as the sun was rising.  We were in Myrtle Beach for vacation, I am entitled!!

Less than half a mile in my darn LEFT foot starts smarting.  And I was going SLOW and light on my feet. Like 15 min/mile slow.  Heart rate at 135 bpm slow.  On purpose. So....WHAT?!  I walked another mile or so because I refused to have gotten up at 5:30am and turn it in after half a mile.  Colleen was pissed. And in pain. Bad combination, especially when on vacation.

So, that happened on the morning of July 4th.

sad runner

It is now July 10th.

Colleen has not run since July 4th.  I haven't done a decent distance run (3 miles or more) since June 19th. OMG! Didn't really realize that till I had to look it up.  Fail.



Well, I am mad about it damaging my body, true...but mainly because it means I can't run. Yeah.....every time I see a runner I ache a little inside.  This started a couple weeks ago as a little longing and missing the run and now has morphed into borderline wet eyes every time I see a runner.  Especially somebody who is obviously a serious runner and out for a long run or is totally killing it.  I have been caught day dreaming in the middle of a conversation when we pass a runner because I'm thinking about some old great runs and day dreaming about runs in the future when I'm not in pain. Several times I have blurted out at them "great job" like we are racing and I'm cheering them on.  Luckily I have only reverted to this sad and pathetic state when alone so my loved ones think I'm still sane...maybe...

It's not just my brain and heart that is mad about my current state- my body is mad that I'm not running.  It still wants to eat like I'm running and doesn't like that I've gained prolly 5lbs since mid June.   Going on vacation and indulging in some new stuff and not being able to run it off and create that much loved calorie deficit....it sucks.  So, I am dragging my sorry, somewhat bigger, butt into a weight watchers meeting tonight to weigh in and face the scale like a good member.  Since I'm lifetime I will have to pay for the meeting since I am definitely going to be over my goal weight....but it's worth it. I need a reality check!

I have been doing cross training so don't jump down my throat about biking and elliptical- I've been doing that. I even strength trained a couple times and that's always good.   This morning I even caught a spin class....where half way in my left foot told me that standing was not feeling great.  REALLY?!

So yeah....sorry this is such a downer post, but it's my reality right now.  I keep playing phone tag with my doctor because I'm hoping she will give me a script to return to physical therapy.  Hopefully Barb and Mark can help me figure out what I'm doing wrong, maybe it's a running form thing, or a foot strengthening thing.  I know they aren't magicians, but I'm hoping they can help me.... I'm sick of the elliptical and bike, and I want to RUN.


What do you do to pick yourself up when you are discouraged about an injury? HELP!

Just breathe

I am sitting here at BWI airport feeling like I am about to come out of my skin in frustration.  So I thought maybe writing about it would be constructive and help me calm down.

So you know already about my stupid foot.  Which is presently being elevated on my suitcase.  My doctor would be so proud.... It's not very painful anymore but I am still limping a bit and am supposed to minimize impact on it for another 2 weeks.  Can I just- 2 WEEKS!?!?! REALLY?!?!

Ok, breathing.

Yesterday, on my way to an EXCEED (4 hour client experience workshop) session that I was facilitating in Germantown, MD (think DC area) I got into an accident on I-95.  It was minor, luckily nobody was hurt and it wasn't my fault.  There was heavy traffic, I had to slam on my brakes and the car behind me didn't stop and rear-ended me.  I actually did feel a jolt from the impact and there is a little damage on my bumper from it.  Her car though, looked pretty mangled. Yay for my Honda to the rescue!  Because of getting hit, I then hit the car in front of me.  Luckily the other two drivers, both women, were very nice and friendly and we quickly exchanged information.  Then one said that since the back car had to be towed, we would all need to wait because the police needed to be called and a report written up.  Fantastic.  So 45 minutes later we are finally all leaving.....and I am about 20 minutes late to my session and still have to set everything up because I'm the one leading it.  On a side note, I will say that Geico is really easy to work with around claims- I was very impressed with their speed and professionalism.

thanks Geico!

After the first 20 minutes or so of feeling guilty and upset for being so late (even though it wasn't my fault and I was all set to be there 30 minutes early actually), I got into a groove and started having fun like I always do during EXCEED.  This is no doubt my favorite training sessions to give and I know it like the back of my hand.  That makes me very good at it, too.  I'm not bragging- it's just the truth, and I've heard it from several associates that I've never met before in different markets.  I just facilitated two sessions in the NJ market and received several acknowledgement emails from the associates that attended which made me feel really special. :)

So....after the session I had a conference call, had to stop by a hospital to deliver some supplies (I won't have to do that again come January 1st!), and then picked up Ding to bring him to our local Banfield in White Marsh.  He has been scratching at his scar on his neck and has even opened up a new wound above it.  His fur is so thick that I just found it on Monday.  They did a fungal culture, shaved and cleaned the area, and gave him a depo shot to help with the itching.  He also needs antibiotics twice a day, which luckily can just be mixed in his food.  Poor Adrian has to take responsibility for that one since I will be gone from home in the NY market for 3 days.

Ding exploring in the exam room

In he goes! Glad he was having fun!

While I waited for him to get shaved and treated, I went to a weight watchers meeting since I won't have any time while in NY.  I was expecting a little gain because I had been sedentary for 2.5 days due to my foot.  What I wasn't expecting was a 3 LB GAIN!!!  I've been cutting down on my food to counteract my decreased activity so I was PISSED.   The meeting was ok, and I am glad I went because I need to stay accountable, but I was so frustrated the whole time it was hard to focus.

And now that brings us to today....My flight is now scheduled to leave at 11:10am as of the last update call I received.  It was supposed to leave at 9:30, arriving in NYC, LGA around 11:00am which gave me plenty of time to get my rental car, pick up snacks for the session, grab a quick lunch, and get all set up before the 1:00pm start at the location that is about 45 minutes from the airport.  Luckily, I just got a hold of the leader there who I am helping out by spending 3 days in her market delivering this training.  I will also be driving over 10 hours when all is said and done over the 3 days because I need to also deliver training near Ithaca, NY then come back to Long Island.  Basically- she owes me. Big.  She's a good friend and a great leader and I respect her greatly, so really she owes me nothing but maybe a strong drink. lol.

So, she is taking care of finding somebody that will be getting snacks there, I'm going to try to find some type of to-go lunch at this airport so it'll be ready to eat in the rental car on the drive to the location.  If you have ever flown into LGA you know it is a tiny, crappy airport with very little food.  And...we postponed the training to 2:00pm.  That means it will run 2:00-6:00pm.   Afterwards I need to drive nearly 4 hours to Ithaca. Fantastic, huh?  I'm so looking forward to checking into my hotel no earlier than 10:00pm tonight......Sarcasm people, sarcasm.

Understand perhaps why I am frustrated?  I will admit, that did really help to type it all out.  Just keep swimming....

Turn of events

I've been pretty much tearing it up the past couple weeks, as my last post indicated.  I continued to do so with a great elliptical workout on Thursday at the hotel gym.  I wanted to run as well but both treadmills were broken.  No bueno, hotel gym. 

Friday was a tough day....after hearing about the tragedy of the CT school massacre I really struggled to get into a mindset for a workout.  Like so many others, I felt like my heart was broken hearing about the tragedy of so many innocents losing their lives.  I hugged my husband and kitty extra tight when I got home, so grateful that those I love were safe.   My thoughts and prayers are with all those directly affecting by such an atrocity.

I eventually willed my unwilling heart to take a back seat to my need to get some relief in the form of a killer workout- Shaun T style.  I picked my favorite in hope that it would get me going.  I struggled through the first 3 minutes and almost turned it off, but once I decided to go past the first 1/3 of the warmup I was pulled into the sheer cardiac joy that is Insanity Pure Cardio.  There isn't much that I love more than working to my cardio threshold.  It just feels so good!

Saturday I killed it in another great spin class with Joe then after cooling down a little bit with some walking around the upstairs track, I did 10 solid minutes- aka a MILE on the treadmill in my Merrell's.  It felt great!

And then....Saturday afternoon....this happened....

Ouch!

This was after 20 minutes or so of icing pretty much immediately after it happened.  The long and short of it is- my big, beautiful, baby of a horse Indy Heir stepped right on the top of my foot.  It was the most excruciating and long lasting pain I can remember since I broke my rib falling off Tomecca.   This was actually more sharp because it was so pinpointed on one spot for so long.  When it initially happened I was in such shock that I pushed him away and nearly collapsed directly on the ground.  I somehow managed to keep my wits about me for the 30 seconds or so it took for me to move away from him and stumble painfully to the door of the stall.  My mom was there right away and helped me hobble over to the hay stack where I could sit down.  And that's where my hysterical sobbing and ugly tears commenced.  I saw Indy leaning his head over the stall door and breathing deeply towards me and trying to figure out what was going on, but I was in too much pain to reassure him. 

Mom helped me hobble back to the house- the whole time scolding me for not leaning on her at all.  Bonus of all my hard work- I can very effectively hop on one leg across the backyard even while cursing in pain under my breath.  Or perhaps cursing quite loudly at times... I elevated my leg and iced it until I stopped sniffling then finally took off my compression sock to survey the damage.  The great news was that I could wiggle my toes already so I had hopes that nothing was broken.  We went to Newark ER to get it x-rayed just to be sure- and we were correct- no breaks! PHEW!  I am very lucky it wasn't broken!

Foot now

The bruise has since grown considerably to cover over half my foot and change different colors as bruises do.  I have been diligent in utilizing the old R.I.C.E. rule:  Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation.  The doctor said elevation was the most important as well as icing so I have been doing both with ardent care.  I've also been wearing a light compression ace bandage which seems pointless but that's what the doctor said. 

Please don't missunderstand- I'm grateful that my foot isn't broken. It could be SO much worse. BUT THIS SUCKS!  It feels like every time I am in a really good groove something happens to derail me.  But I will keep going, because that's my only choice.  I love this life I have created for myself through hard work and dedication and I'm not about to let it slip away because I have a road block slammed in front of me.  I may have been set back again, but I will find the silver lining in this and come out stronger on the other side.... when I can walk without a limp again.....lol

I will press on!