What a weekend...part 1

I don't even know how to really start this post because I'm still at a loss over what happened. So I will just get right into it.

Saturday afternoon I took a ride in an ambulance and ended up with this on my wrist and in the hospital for 3 days.

So, to start at square one....about 5pm ish on Saturday afternoon, Adrian and I were relaxing in bed (nothing too serious so calm down) when suddenly I got DIZZY.   Everyone has had some occasional dizziness, especially after a few too many drinks or getting a quick head rush standing up too fast.   This was nothing like anything I had every experienced before, it was SO much worse.  It felt like I was in the middle of a whirlwind and could do nothing to stop it.  It was absolutely terrifying, unsettling and nothing was helping- eyes open, eyes closed, laying down, sitting up.  After a couple minutes of trying to calm down and Adrian getting me a trash can and cold cloth I realized it wasn't getting any better and asked him to call 911.

Somewhere along the lines Adrian helped me to the bathroom because I thought it would somehow help to be on the cold floor and closer to the toilet....ummm heck no, but I had to try.  I was hardly able to make it there, even with his help and that is where the paramedics found me and started checking my vitals.  I could feel my body going in and out at this point and I had to force myself to focus on every letter of every word that came out of my mouth just to stay conscious.  The paramedic was immediately alarmed at my low heart rate and when I told him my heart rate at my last dr's apt (56 bpm) he didn't seem to feel any better.  I didn't have enough strength to ask him what my hr was at that point.

Several parts of the transport process (down the stairs, onto the stretcher, then in the ambulance which was the worst) were simply awful because the whole time I was swinging back and forth between feeling like A- I was going to throw up more (and I did several times), B- I was going to pass out, and C- I couldn't keep my mind off the fact that they had to move my body around and I couldn't help.  Mostly I was thanking the stars I had lost so much weight and a small part of me was chastising myself for not being thinner.  Really, I couldn't help thinking it even though I know it wasn't healthy to think those things. 

As soon as I got into the ER they started asking questions, taking my vitals and getting me hooked up to so many different machines, drawing blood for tests and placed an IV catheter of course.  I also was attached to oxygen which was the weirdest part- those tubes up your nose feel bizarre.  They asked me a bunch of questions and somehow (was it a miracle?) my primary care physician walks in, Dr. Eyer.  I actually brightened a little at this point and joked with him a bit before answering all the same questions again (sense a pattern? this continued throughout my stay).   I knew he worked the occasional weekend in the ER at the hospital, and Saturday I just got LUCKY.

I was only partial conscious when this was inserted but I remember it hurting and it was plenty uncomfortable for the 3 days I was stuck with it. Glad to have it out!

Each different doctor I met (and there were several, apparently I baffled them) asked me if I had shortness of breath before or during my initial onset of the dizziness.  I said, well yeah, I basically was panicking because I couldn't get any bearings and I couldn't stop throwing up once it started but I felt fit as a fiddle before hand.  And that is what has kept me nervous long after the dizziness subsided- it came out of nowhere and hit me like a tornado that stayed around for hours.

The following hours ticked by fast at times when I couldn't keep conscious and then would creep to a halt when my head started POUNDING.  It felt like there was a gremlin in there attacking away.  Sometimes it would be combined with severe stomach pain and those were the worst times because I was so exhausted plus I had wretched up my stomach contents already and dry heaving sucks.  I couldn't get any pain relief because now Dr. Eyer was worried about a brain bleed because of my head- so I was waiting for a CAT scan.   Thank goodness, that all came back normal, as did every other test. Only thing weird was some elevated ketones in my urinalysis- which he said is normal for me because I am losing weight.

I want to point out one thing before I move on- I was NOT dehydrated.  The Doctor said they were giving me fluids as a precaution and to keep me hydrated to replace what I had lost during the nausea, but dehydration was certainly not the cause of my dizziness.  Some people have wanted to diagnosis me and I really appreciate the advice, but sometimes I don't want to hear "O, I  had the exact same thing happen to me last year when I had heat stroke or was dehydrated or was working out to hard...."   Others asked if it was caused by my working out and not eating enough.  I asked about both and had all my various doctors assure me that my weight loss and exercise did NOT cause this.

One of the harder parts of this whole ordeal was knowing how worried and stressed out Adrian was.  It must have been a hundred times I tried to talk to him and reassure him that everything would work out or simply tell him I loved him, but the first couple hours I simply didn't have the energy to open my mouth unless absolutely necessary.  After every word I felt like I needed a break, it was very unsettling and exhausting.  And honestly, a little scary, too.

And with that, I need to get some sleep because they kept waking me up every couple hours to do a full recheck of all my vitals because my heart rate would hold around 30-32 when I was sleeping.  The nurses  were very anxious about it and told me flat out that it was hard not to keep waking me up to check on me.

Part 2 tomorrow...

No run = grumpy Colleen

I miss a run I am looking forward to, and I am one grumpy lady...

Case in point, today.  First off,  I had to drive to Wilmington for work.  FYI- that is a butt long drive from Gettysburg.  I pulled out some old tunes and enjoyed the ride because I knew I just had to make it through the work day and then I would be lacing up my sneakers and heading out for a 4+ mile run on the beautiful, hilly, but non-technical trails at Fair Hill Nature Reserve near my parents' farm.  I was visualizing my run and what I wanted to accomplish. I have actually been looking forward to this run since Monday when I knew I had to go to Wilmington Thursday and would spend the night at my parents' farm.  The route I was going to do I had just done on Sunday but the beginning was slow and I wanted to improve on the overall run and go longer, pushing it from the 3.6 miles I ran Sunday to closer to 5 miles.

So I was literally picturing the route in my head for days so much so that when I got to Fair Hill I was buzzing with excitement and ready to kill it.  I had hydrated and ate running smart all day and after a couple warm up walking laps around the large parking lot, I set off at a gentle warm up jog.

And then less than a tenth of a mile in, my left hamstring decided NO MORE RUNNING TODAY!  Talk about some serious sharp stabbing pain.  Now, I have been blessed up to this point in my running life to not have experienced severe running cramps. Yes, I've gotten an occasional stich in my side when I am really hauling butt, but that goes away quickly.  But I had never felt this kind of pain. And let me tell you, it was not pleasant.

So, I reluctantly brought it down to a walk and stretched and massaged my leg and then walked a loop around the creak area massaging as I walked until I realized that whenever it felt better and I tried to run again my hammy just wasn't gonna have anything to do with it.  Now came the hard decision- should I push through it and hope the cramp works itself out or call it done for the day.

I played it safe and headed back to my car reluctantly on the most beautiful June day I can remember.  I had an hour of time I could have been running to my heart's content but instead I was heading back aftre no run, no beautiful trails, no beautiful and needed endorphins.

 

So, no celebrating national running day (I know, I was a day late in celebration but I was saving this glorious run for today at Fair Hill) for this runner.  The quote above totally fits how I was feeling today.  Lately running has been more for me than just exercise, I truly enjoy it and look forward to my runs.  They refresh my soul.  And feel good ;)

I am so glad I have friends that I can call to help me get through fitness uncertainties, like Kevin and Emily.   Both gave me different but helpful tips and encouragement. thanks!

Jen said an awesome thing today when we were hanging out (post failed run).  Along the lines of- Does this make you feel like even more of a runner because you are really bummed out over not being able to run?  My answer- TOTALLY!  I shouldn't have anything to prove to anyone, but today did reaffirm to myself that I love running and it's more than just exercise to me now.

Summer goals

 Do you set goals for yourself?  What are your summer goals?

Today's topic in weight watchers really hit me for some reason.  We talked about the summer and the challenges that can be put in our way because of it.  Joni asked if anyone struggled to lose weight during the summer, and I was quick to say I loved the summer. More activity, being outside, summer fruit, etc.  Then we pulled out our weeklies and there was a calendar where we could put any potential struggles like vacations, parties, etc.

This summer is going to be CHALLENGING for my weight loss.  In two weeks I will be in Portland for a week.  In a different hotel that I have no clue if there is a decent gym or a good area to run. GARRH.  Then there is...dun dun dun...the move.  The before mentioned scary move to White Marsh.  I'm not going to get more into it than that....

July is pretty mild with no big trips and then BAM a week long vacation during the first week of August.  Of all the trips, I will have the most control here which is good. I just need to make sure to get workouts in amongst all the fun we have planned.  I would LOVE to take a run in Central Park.  Ever since taking up running it is on my running bucket list.

Then 3 weeks later, I will be in Ft. Lauderdale for a week (don't feel too sorry for me) for work.  These long work trips are the worst because the only food control I have is portion size.  I am making educated guesses as to how many points things are and it's incredibly frustrating to have so little control and constant temptations everywhere I look. Imagine unlimited MARS candy everywhere as well as nearly unlimited salty snacks and food.   O and don't forget the expectation that you go out and mingle with coworkers over a glass of wine.  It's seriously tough, no joke.

So having said all that....the activity today was to set goals for labor day.  I had already been thinking that I wanted to get to goal by September so that I could make lifetime by my 3 year mark which is October 21, 2012.  I have 15 lbs left to reach goal and when I said this was my goal Joni gently prodded how realistic this goal would be and what it would do for my confidence and mental game if I don't reach it.  Realizing she was 100% right as always, I wrote down my goal as 10 lbs, which is just under 1 lb a week.  But, my stretch "ideal" goal is still 15 lbs.

I don't want to put too much pressure on myself but I WANT this.  Goal is so close I can taste it.  And you know the saying, nothing tastes as good as healthy feels. SO TRUE.  The taste I am imagining in my mouth is a Reece's pb cup. mmmmm.  I want to taste it, and I will! :)

so true...

Say no when you want

Can I be surrounded by temptations and come out of it without feeling guilty?




YES.

Saturday night was UD alumni night but before then Adrian and I had dinner with his parents for his mom's birthday.  The whole weekend was full of difficult choices.

Difficulty #1- the menu at dinner consisted of a ton of appetizers, sandwiches, burgers, and a few salads.  They had ONE good entree choice on the menu (for me)- a house salad adding on grilled chicken with ranch on the side. It was a very blah salad.  Fresh vegetables (an obvious must) but the chicken was very dry and chewy. Seriously? You can't make a simple grilled chicken breast? LAME.   The one saving grace was there was again, ONE broth soup (Maryland Crab soup) that I had a cup of. It was yummy, thank goodness.  Everyone else loved their food, so that's good at least.... AND I chose what was the healthy, right choice for me. 

Difficulty #2-  Before mentioned UD Alumni night.  Aka we went out to Newark and got some drink on at Deer Park, our go to in Newark.   It was the usual tight-nit crew: me, Adrian, Jen, Evan, and Alex.  And I hadn't drank any alcohol since April....and that night I had a single beer.  So Saturday night I was debating what I wanted to do and ended up with a diet coke and rum, my usual low cal choice.  And then I had a second.  Occasionally I let a little peer pressure help direct my decision, not gonna lie.  Both were pretty weak but I was feeling it, hard core.  This is a hidden nice side effect of losing weight.  Yay!

Difficulty #3- After having fun at Deer Park everyone wanted pizza. Like, whoa they were about to get a pie and in my head I was screaming YES PLEASE! GIVE ME A SLICE!  But my body knew better and that would just make me want to binge.  I knew that some of it was legitimate hunger after my crappy dinner and lots of walking and dancing so I suggested we all hit up a diner instead.   Diners are actually very challenging for me, but I can usually modify a few things to make them acceptable.  And then we remembered that there was an Ihop on main street. PERFECT my brain literally screamed at me.  I knew I could get an egg beaters and veggie omelet and some fruit.  Exactly what my body and brain wanted after the alcohol to get on an equilibrium.  So I loved my egg beater omelet with fruit and a single pancake and it was like heaven in the form of a 1:00am snack.

Difficulty #4- I woke up Sunday morning feeling GUILTY. Like, mega big time guilt.  The kind of guilt that makes me either want to binge, starve myself, or exercise myself to exhaustion.  The weird thing is, my choices weren't that bad.  I avoided crappy food at dinner, only had 2 weak drinks and then made a good choice for late night food, plus we walked a lot.  I tracked all my food and shouldn't have any regrets, but I was sitting on Jen's couch feeling the familiar guilty itch.  I turned my phone on and saw a text from my sister- mom isn't feeling up for horseback riding today, how about a run instead?  Immediately I calmed down knowing that I would be going for a long trail run with Brianne.  I was going to be able to run off some of the guilt I had and get a good endorphin high. 

I downed some fruit and a snickers marathon bar for breakfast and went out and KILLED my 3.6 mile hilly trail run.  I felt totally awesome and for the first time, enjoyed running with no buddy to talk to AND no music because Brianne ended up walking with the dogs.  It was liberating and makes you feel one with nature to just hear your own even breathing and the birds chirping.  O yeah, and seeing deer and bunnies. Very nice. :)

So I made it through a potentially derailing weekend and out the other side just fine.  Well...my left hamstring is all tight and sore, probably from the trail run , so Emily showed me some stretching and foam rolling techniques to help it after our workout today.   I guess I need to stretch more even after my normal stretch routine after every workout.  I thought I might need a rest day, but I took one on Friday so I'm gonna go for a nice gently stationary bike ride tomorrow morning and stretch like crazy....then hope I can get a run in tomorrow afternoon. hehehe

And......

got abs?

I did 45 seconds of plank today!! 2 sets!  This may not sound very impressive but A- have you ever held plank? ouch. and B- this is a big deal with arm injuries.  Although the majority of the work should be in your abs, there is some pressure on your arms.  And it felt achingly (only in the abs) delicious.  I couldn't help grinning after each set. I've been doing a killer amount of ab work because I can never get enough, but holding a plank is definitely the best move to work your abs.  I was nervous to go there, and I'm glad Emily had me try today because I think I needed the little push.

My biggest fear

Those that know me well know what this post is going to be about.  The dreaded fear that I have of reverting back to "old Colleen" and gaining the weight back.

This past Wednesday I blurted out at the end of my weight watchers meeting that I was moving in a month.  I really wanted to tell the meeting this week, with Joni there, but she wasn't and I blurted it out anyway when the visiting leader asked if anyone had any upcoming challenges.  I am going to try to still come to the Gettysburg Wednesday meetings as often as possible but I also need to find a meeting in White Marsh that will work for me.  And knowing how awesome weight watchers is, I'm sure I will be able to find one I can fit into and feel comfortable in.  I still want to hit lifetime in Gettysburg....Joni and the team there have just been too important for my journey to not have them involved in such a big milestone.

So, having said all that, I am scared.



I am scared of not reaching goal....of reverting back to the miserable quivering mess of a human being I was just 3 years ago.  I don't want to go back or even close to that person ever again.  Upon seeing my article, my mom made a comment about my before picture saying something along the lines of "Why did you use this picture? You never looked this large, this picture is deceiving."  Actually mom, that was after I had lost a few pounds.  She remarked that it is hard to remember me like that because I have been fit for so long.  In reality, I've only been REALLY working at this for 2.5 years.  That's such a short period of time in the span of your life if you think about it.

Going along this journey, I've been trying to reach my goal weight in small steps, because how else can you look at having to lose 250+ lbs? It was sometimes so overwhelming I would just break down completely and cry.  I mean full blown hysterical, ugly and snotty tears that sometimes would lead to the binge monster rearing her ugly head and convincing me that having half a bag of baked chips or a giant candy bar is no big deal.  Other times it would lead me to call a close friend, or my sister and they would help me get through it.  Once I called a friend on the way home from a brutal work day and he literally talked me off the fast food binge ledge as I had a complete panic attack on the side of the road because I was craving so badly my hands were shaking.  He then talked to me for almost 2 hours so I didn't have to be alone in my car driving home and thinking about food. I have such a great support system :D

All along I have heard over and over again "Wait till you get to maintenance, it's even harder than losing."  FYI- I HATE hearing this.  Sometimes it is literally the hardest thing to take, even harder than being surrounded by people eating fast food or my favorite candy. This feeds my fear like gasoline on a forest fire.  If losing is this hard how can I possibly maintain?

Lately it has gotten more comfortable because I am truly out of a diet mentality and have changed my lifestyle.  I don't crave certain foods in the same way I used to and sometimes I go an entire week without having any processed food just because I want to eat as clean as possible because it feels better.  I haven't had alcohol in weeks...maybe months simply because I don't want to put the toxins in my body, or waste calories on it....lol

I think (at least I hope) that I am past all those terrifying feelings and binging reactions.  Endorphin release in the form of exercise is really so much better than the brief good feelings you get from eating the food you like.  And as aptly demonstrated so many times over, I have a GREAT support system!  I just need to keep remembering that when I am struggling.

Sweet wonderful workouts

Exercise is now such a big part of my life, I have a hard time imagining life without it. During my interview with Jenna from the Gettysburg Times, she asked me to expand more on it when I said something along those lines and it made me remember how key it is to my happiness.

Friends, family, and fellow ww members ask me frequently how I have enough time to workout.  Having too busy a life and "not enough time to work out" is the #1 excuse people use.  They mention that it must be because I don't have kids and my job gives me flexibility so I must have more free time. That must be why I workout so much!

It's true, I don't have kids and I'm sure that makes it worlds easier than a busy mom or dad but my job sometimes makes it nearly impossible to work out.  I really enjoy my job (when I'm not completely stressed out by it), but I travel a lot.  In fact, there was a time that I would be gone an entire week at least once a month in Pittsburgh, or some other city at a conference. Staying at a hotel.  With a crappy hotel gym.  Not ideal conditions, people.

And guess what? I still worked out.  Some days it was just 30 minutes on an elliptical or stationary bike, but I didn't let the crappy gym or fact that I was completely exhausted from work and traveling all over to keep me from working out.  Even 100 lbs heavier ago I felt that I HAD to get my butt into the gym.  Then it was more about losing weight and burning calories, but I felt the pull to exercise, whatever the reason. And I MAKE time.  If it is important enough to you, you will make it happen.  Adrian can attest that some days I get up at 5:30am so I can workout before work (he probably thinks I have lost my mind these mornings).  Other days I go straight to the gym after work and change there so I won't allow any excuses to get in the way when I get home.  Adrian has heard me say before "I'm sorry hunny, I need to get to the gym before I come home or I won't go."  Thank my lucky stars he has always been so supportive of me. <3

 Friday was stressful for me.  Jenna called me asking if they could put my heaviest weight (and current weight) into the article.  I literally stuttered and panicked my way through a "can I think about it and call you back?"  After nearly having a panic attack while driving on I-695 (not a good place for this to happen, take my word for it), my body went to I NEED TO WORKOUT. GIVE ME ENDORPHINS NOW!!   Ironically, this made me calm down almost immediately because my mind did not go to I NEED COMFORT! FEED ME! and it made me insanely happy that the binge monster was still passed out in the basement.

I called my darling husband and asked him a tough question that I know he didn't want to answer but he is just awesome so he did.  "As a reporter would you want to have my weight in the story?"  Of course, his answer was yes.  So needless to say, my weight got into the story and I'm glad it did.

Having said that.....from the moment after I gave Jenna my before and current weight and the go ahead I felt like a complete nervous wreck.  How harshly would people judge me? What would they think about how I got to that weight? You can imagine where else my imagination took me over the hour drive home.

Needless to say, I got home and drug my exhausted and stressed body to the Y.  My plan was 30 minutes of hills on the stationary bike then about 30 minutes of strength training.  Well.....I was so anxious about the article coming out the next day, I couldn't drag myself away from my comfort zone.  After about 90 minutes on the bike I finally staggered off and started my planned strength training routine.  I was so exhausted I had to do jumping jacks before traveling lunges to get me pumped up enough to do them and I repeated this pump up routine before several exercises so that I wouldn't flat out quit on myself.

I finally left the gym 2.5 hours after arriving.  I did do a nice 15 minutes of stretching because 90 minutes on the stationary bike then almost an hour of squats and lunges will make your legs ache and tight.  I also made my abs go into full muscle spasm by putting them through 2 sets of 20 reps of passovers (if you have never done these, they are like sweet death to your lower abs), leg lifts, bicycles, bench v-crunches and ball crunches.  My abs are still thanking me for the sweet torture, especially after an Emily workout today with some more.

Now a days I don't feel complete without a good sweat.  When I get stressed for any reason, my body craves the powerful and sweet release of endorphins that comes from a hard workout.  FINALLY my body does not crave food.  I couldn't feel more relieved that I have been able to train my body away from needing food to comfort me.  Of course there are some days that my binge monster rears her ugly head and demands that I eat an entire bag of chips or a giant candy bar.  That doesn't mean I have to listen to her though!

Article about me in the Gettysburg Times

Ok, several have asked to see the article since they can't access it online since it's a paid site.  I got the ok, so here it is.  I copy and pasted it from the website so if it has weird editing, that's why.  Also as a very minor note- I actually have lost 237.6 lbs, but who's counting, lol. ;)  I feel so honored and humbled that the times would want to do a story about my journey, and then feature it on the front page of the Saturday edition!  Thank you! :)  They had before and after pictures of me as well, so I am including them at the end, with the captions that were on the story.

236 pounds lighter — Colleen Martin proves determination and lifestyle change turn dramatic loss into terrific gain

BY JENNA STINSON
Times Staff Writer

Making a significant lifestyle change can be challenging task for most people. One Adams County woman has seen her fair share of trials and triumphs on her path to losing over 200 pounds.

Colleen Martin, 27, has been working on her major lifestyle change for over three years.

"When I came back from my honeymoon in 2009, I just hit rock bottom and realized that I was killing myself by eating. I wondered how I would ever be happy married if I wasn't happy with myself," she said.

Martin said that at her heaviest, she weighed in at around 435 pounds.

Martin took the first step in her new healthy life by joining Curves. "That was the perfect first step for me because it taught me how to enjoy exercise again," she said.

Martin lost 36 pounds by changing her diet and going to Curves, but she wanted to do more. "It took me a while, about six months, to lose those first pounds. I just snapped and decided to come to the Weight Watchers meeting," she said.

This is where Martin met Joni Bonfiglio, the Weight Watchers meeting leader in Gettysburg and Chambersburg. Bonfiglio would undoubtedly become one of Martin's biggest allies in her journey to a healthier body.

"When I weighed in that first meeting, I cried. That's when Joni told me I would never see those numbers again," said Martin.

Before starting the Weight Watchers program, Martin said she tried a number of other things that didn't yield the same results.

"Joni has been awesome and she really just made it all click for me," she said.

Martin said that one of the biggest advantages to the Weight Watchers program was the new understanding of food. "Before the programs I didn't really have a handle on the food aspect," she said.

"I changed how I think about food and I can modify it to fit my life. I haven't eaten fast food since October 21, 2009. I don't do buffets either. What worked for me is that I'm not really on a specific diet," she added.

Martin's husband, Adrian, a sportswriter at the Gettysburg, Times, said that he knew all along his wife could lose the weight she wanted.

"The thing that she may not realize is the fact that she has accomplished this and it was inside her all along. She has always been a special person and this just proves it," he said.

Martin is an inspiration to her fellow Weight Watchers, and those in her support system.

(See TERRIFIC on Page A3)

"I even started going to the YWCA-Gettysburg about a year ago. It makes me want to live a healthier life," her husband said.

Having that good support system is a must in an endeavor like Martin's.

"It was a learning curve at first. I had to lay down the law with my husband and tell him certain items were no longer allowed in the house," she said.

"But I really have had amazing support from him and my family and friends and the group of people at Weight Watchers," she added.

Martin also attributed some of her success to her exercise regimen. "Exercise is now a part of the happiness in my life and without it, I feel incomplete."

Martin works out with a personal trainer at the YWCA.

"I work out with Emily Bucher at the YWCA and that is where I go for my zen. Emily keeps me motivated."

Bucher said that she foresees Martin reaching her goal weight without any problems. "She always comes in ready to work and she really likes for me to push her. I have never seen anyone lose this much and I know she will reach her goal and stay there with no trouble," she said.

Martin has a goal weight of 160 to 180 pounds, which according to her doctor, would be fine for her five-foot-six-inch frame.

"I want to see where my body wants to be. I want to find that happy weight that makes my body feel right," she said.

Bucher also said that she admires Martin. "She has done this all the natural way and that is so inspirational," she added.

In total, Martin has lost 236.6 pounds; 201.6 since starting Weight Watchers.

"I have never had anyone in the program lose this much," said Bonfiglio.

At the Weight Watchers meeting on May 23, Bonfiglio told her group to look at Martin for motivation.

"You can all be Colleens," she said.

When asked what advice she would have for others who want to make such a big lifestyle change, Martin said that keeping focused is key. "Find out what your 'why' is, and concentrate on that. Come back to that reason when you are struggling. You have to want to lose weight for no one but yourself," she said.

ROCK BOTTOM - at her heaviest, Martin weighed 435 pounds. 

 

 

PROUD PAIR -  Colleen Martin, 27, this week with Weight Watchers meeting leader Joni Bonfiglio. "Joni has been awesome and she really just made it all click for me," Martin said of her dramatic and determined weight loss.