Sometimes I hate my head

Sometimes I feel like my head just messes me up.  I've talked about this issue before, so forgive me for brining it up again, but I am.  Deal with it! lol

I was going to update more about our vacation but today has just been one of those days that I need to blog about.  Because my head was all over the place and it sucked.  And the reality of any weight loss journey is that some days suck.  Heck, you have bad days no matter if you are on a weight loss journey or not, some days just suck in life.

It actually started last night when I felt ravenously hungry.  I felt like I could not eat enough and all I wanted to do was eat snack food.  I made the collosal mistake of buying said snack food at the grocery store earlier in the day, when I was feeling totally in control and confident that I could control my portion sizes.

I could not.  I was eating out of the bag....



I know, quite shocking.  This is not the Colleen I know. Even though I was eating out of the bag, I didn't eat much before I snapped myself out of it and then over estimated my pointsplus just in case.

Then last night at about 12:30am (I had gone to bed about midnight) the fire alarm decided to tell us the battery was dying, and LOUDLY.  REALLY?!?!  To get it to shut up, I had to go out and get a new 9V battery which took 2 different stops at some shady gas stations to find one.  And then it STILL wouldn't shut up.  Adrian worked some magic and the ringing went away- which actually meant he pulled it off the wires in the ceiling.  Whoops.  It took the maintenance guy less than a minute to fix today and meant that I could sleep- so thank goodness Adrian just yanked that thing down.

So I woke up this morning after a terrible and restless sleep GRUMPY.  Like WHOA.  I'm usually a morning person, so the morning grumps always make me feel off the whole day, especially because I couldn't just lace up my running shoes to burn it off because I had to take Adrian to work and then was stuck on conference calls all morning.  Not a good recipe for a solid day.  I was good with eating only clean foods until sometime around lunch when I binged out on junk.

Before you start to yell at me....I measured out each serving so I know exactly how bad it was.  In retrospect, I ate under 500 calories which really isn't that bad in comparison to some past binges.  But it just felt so wasteful because they were such empty and useless calories.

Picking up Adrian actually helped me a lot- it got my head out of the funk after getting some unsettling work news because I got to talk to him about it.  And then I got to vent about my stupid eating that day.  In the end the major reason for my eating was some bad work news and we know what stress does to me.... I then got to hit up the gym for a solid high incline walk workout (great for your glutes!!) on the treadmill which was a good sweat and felt darn good even through my sore muscles. 

Yeah, those sore muscles I got with a combination of a strength training workout on Saturday and yoga on Sunday felt good.  I hadn't done a solid strength training workout in almost 2 weeks (don't kill me, Emily!) and it's been months since my last yoga class.  In case you've never taken yoga and have shied away because people say it's too mellow or too "easy."  Those people don't know what they are talking about, so go try yoga!  Did some brutally hard moves that I still feel today!

You try holding chair pose for a full minute then get back to me!

So a weird thing happened during and after yoga....I got hit on.  And not subtly.  This guy came in late (like the last 15 minutes late) and pulled up a mat next to me and was staring at me.  At first I thought he was looking past me to the instructor or watching my form but then I realized, when he winked at me, it wasn't just that.  Can we say awkward? I'm trying to mellow out in downward dog and I catch him staring at my ass.  Then I can't help looking over as we are doing this brutal lower ab set and he was just laying there openly watching me. Really?  I was thinking I was being a mess, puffing and sweating up a storm and he was just gawking in disgust at me. Not cool man.

Until....he met me outside the locker room after.  Waiting for me.   It started so nice and friend-like, asking about yoga and what else I liked to do at the gym, how often I worked out, etc.  He secured my phone number under the instance that we could run or lift together- I was thinking "sweet, a nice workout buddy!"  Then he asked me to join him for lunch.  Right then.  Then asked if I had a boyfriend.

Ummm....hold the phone.  I laughed, and held up my hand with my wedding ring on and told him that yes, I was actually happily married but I always love new workout buddies and friends.  He recovered well and then tried to set up a time we could workout together.  At that point I was feeling way too awkward and just told him we would figure it out later.  I got home to a rambling, hard to understand message from him saying how nice it was to meet me and when could we get together for yoga or running.  Did I mention he is from Peru?  English is definitely not his first language. 

So I was flattered but I think it actually contributed to my messed up head.  This has happened before when somebody gives unwanted attention to me.  It makes me feel guilty and want to hide.  I'm not saying it's right or even sane, it's just how my head reacts to the shock.


What do you do when you are stressed? How do you combat a case of a terribly bad mood?  

Take control of your own happiness!

"The only person that can make you feel bad about yourself is yourself" my boss reminded me this morning.

I really need to hold onto this quote and take it seriously.  This person was a complete and utter jerk to me earlier in the week harassing me when I'm trying to work out because they wanted to know how much I weighed (WTF?).  First off- that's just screwed up.  Second off-  This is my happy place, where I come to de-stress and feed my soul.  Yeah, yeah, sounds cheezy, but it's true.  When I am having a really bad day I go to a couple different things to find some peace- horseback riding and exercise.  Those are the things I think about to get me through the tough times.  So don't mess with my whoooosa!


But in listening to this quote - I need to take better control of my own happiness.  But, it doesn't hurt though to have great people to help keep me calm and happy, just saying.... 

But those difficult feelings of insecurity can help me as well....I started out with a gentle warmup walk on the treadmill but within 30 seconds I thought again of this jerk and suddenly got spurred on by my anger....and I turned a 5 minute warmup walk into 15 minutes of "nearly falling off the treadmill, sweat dripping off my face and every surface" type workout.  Ever since reading about the benefits of a 15% incline workout, I've enjoyed interjecting them into my workouts when I am feeling like being on the treadmill.  Emily had me working on high incline before, so this is nothing new, but reading about it recently reminded me of how much they kicked my butt!


In case you have never tried getting the incline up higher, I recommend it, especially if you want a good workout for your glutes and legs! A few suggestions from my perspective....
- Build up to having the speed at the fastest walk you can manage before needing to jog.  Then when you feel like you can push higher, step up the speed so you can jog.  I did 30 second intervals of fast walking and jogging today.  I managed to get through it and A- not fall off the treadmill, B- not hold on, C- still have a smile on my face.
- Work up to(or start off) not holding onto the treadmill.  Sometimes it will feel like holding on is your life line, but you CAN do this- I don't hold on ever, including at 15% incline.  Just think, when you are walking up a hill outside do you hold on? Duhhh of course not, there is nothing to hold onto!  Every time I think about wanting to hold on, Dolvette in all of his BL hotness busts into my thoughts with this: GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY TREADMILL!!!!

Mmmmmm Bob and Dolvette. Obviously the real reason I watch BL.  You can bust into my thoughts any day.

That picture is the only one I could find that Dolvette was not smiling- hence about to yell at you as you hold onto the treadmill!  I would love to train with either one of these trainers some day.  I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to walk the next day because they would beat me into the ground (excellent!) but it would be 200% worth it. 

Dolvette has such a beautiful smile so here ya go....enjoy ladies!

If you thought for a second I would give you a picture of him with a shirt on, you were obviously delusional.

Just remember: The only person that can make you feel bad about yourself is yourself.  Remember to love yourself!