Way too long...

Yeah....it's been a really long time since I've posted.  Life has been good and bad at times since I last posted in 2014, like everyone.  We all have our good and bad patches.  It just seems that 2015-2016 has been a lot of personal challenges.  But I feel like I'm finally over the mountain of stress and have been at least downsized to a "wee" hill, as the kiwis would say.  Still a lot going on in my life, but it feels more manageable.

Well one thing that is frustrating that I feel comfortable about saying to the general public...I'm up 50 lbs from my goal weight.  That sucks. I hate it.  I miss my old number, size, feeling.  It was a struggle to maintain, but at least I did so for a solid year.

But ya know....stuff happens. Like injuries. I had a weird one in addition to my past stress fractures and tennis elbow...winged scapula.  I had a damaged nerve in my back that was causing my scapula to wing off the rest of my back like a bird.   In case you are wondering, it looked as weird as it sounds.  My entire right arm would vary from one giant cramp (holy cow that hurt!) to being all numb and tingly.  Of course, forget upper body strength training but it also meant I couldn't run, the elliptical and bike hurt my back, and even swimming was challenging.  Lower body strength training was hard too because it involves stabilization of your core, which involves your back.  I could walk gently basically- which I did as often as possible.

Thus started my gentle creep up.  Thanks to physical therapy that injury is healed and only occasionally flares up again when I really overdo it or sleep weird.  But I put on that first 10 lbs.  And then it just kept slowly going up until the stress that is the giant C word hit my family again: Cancer.  It's a scary monster and has been a constant background in my life since 2009.   Between the diagnosis of my stepdad and an eventual divorce.....the weight just kept going up.  Even though I was going to weight watchers and exercising I just didn't seem to care as much about what I ate.  I never went hog wild but my body gains weight easily and quickly.  Such is life!

So after months of trying to get back on track I feel like mentally I have been back these past few weeks.  The scale is not rewarding me, but I know that I feel better physically and mentally so I know the loss will show up soon.  I've been exercising more regularly again and with more energy.  I'm back to a regular 5 days of exercising in a week.  I'm consistently strength training twice a week. I know this is so important for me and I'm proud of myself for getting back to this routine.  I also started the couch to 5k training program again.  I've used this several times to work back into running and increasing mileage and stamina.  I'm in week 2 and feeling good so far.

So I'm going to try this blogging thing again when I feel the urge to post and update.  Maybe it will help me keep focused like it did before.

I need to remember- I've still lost and kept off 200 lbs since my heaviest!!  That is major.  I can't forget where I came and that I'm never going back to that.

Back to basics

So the scale...we are still fighting.



Yeah....this was exactly how I felt after my weight watchers weigh in last night.  Last week I had lost 1.8 lbs after that disastrous 7lb gain and then this week...I gained 1.6 lbs back.   I was so shocked, that I was PISSED.  Angry.  Frustrated.  I wanted to throw a temper tantrum.  Did I have a perfect week?  No....I had an absolutely awesome time drinking at Kevin's birthday party Saturday night.  It was fantastic- and I tracked it all- including the tequila and chocolate cake.  And then I kicked butt in the gym and ate awesome on every other day.

I guess what frustrated me so much was because I knew in that moment what I needed to do.  And I really didn't want to.  So instead I lived in angry, denial, border line temper tantrum land during the meeting until a good conversation with a few fellow weight watchers.  Ultimately, I knew that I needed to...



Yeah, the dreaded and terrible D word.  The irony is not lost on me that to spell diet you first have to spell "die."  I know that I have forever changed my lifestyle- and that's how you make lasting and steady change in your health and weight.  I will NEVER step foot into a fast food restaurant again.  I will never binge again at Golden Corral or some Chinese buffet.  It's not going to happen.  I simply and plainly refuse.  Those are my red lines in the sand- I won't cross them again.

But the reality is, I am 15 lbs over my goal weight.  15 lbs!! That is NOT ok.  Ever since my foot injury, my weight has been very slowly creeping up little by little.  At first just a couple ounces, then I would lose it.  And then this winter happened....between all the terrible weather keeping me inside and continuing to say yes to all those delicious holiday treats like my sister's crack cookies (for the record they don't legally have crack in them, but somehow they are more addicting).

So, I am going back on a lower daily points total and gosh darn it, I am going to use my food scale obsessively again and go back to the basics of what worked for me.  Darn it, I've lost 250 lbs!  I know how to lose weight.  My body knows how to lose weight.  After a great conversation with my sister today, I was reminded of this.

I don't have drastic things to change, but I do need to mix things up with my exercise, tighten up my eating plan (like not taking shots of tequila chased with chocolate cake), keep up with strength training, and get my head out of my ass.   The reality of my body is that I have to be constantly vigilant to keep the weight off.  I need to break out of maintenance mode and get back into full blown weight loss mode.  Colleen knows weight loss mode.   I flipped that switch while talking with Brianne today and I stepped back into the game Tony Horton style with some P90X.  I did Kenpo X and Ab Ripper X- and felt deliciously tired and sore afterwards.



You heard Tony....It's time to BRING IT!

How are you going to bring it?

Temptations

This week I've been in and out of Northern Virginia, in Fairfax, to help with a new hospital opening.  I've been facilitating and co-facilitating with a coworker since Monday.

And every single day there have been a plethora of these in the room:

Donuts

Mars Chocolate Obviously 

And a bunch of other snacky junk.... It's been sheer torture.  I indulged a little on Monday with a delicious donut and some skittles.  Then a lot on Tuesday with brownie bites, mini cinnamon rolls, and chips....yeah. Bad Colleen.  

But this morning...I woke up and got 20 minutes on the recumbent bike before my feet started to bother me and I had to stop. And then I totally dominated the day with a very clean, completely meatless day.  Zero donuts, brownies, cookies, chips or candy.  And the temptations just kept hitting me in the face...and I kept saying no.  Success!!

After getting done about 5ish I made it through some nasty DC area traffic to a local Weight Watchers meeting.  That really helped me finish out a good day.  It was a pretty small meeting, and they were asking people to share where they felt they were on their weight loss journey.  One option was a success story.  She so happened to ask me where I fell and I said that I was very proud to be a success story.  When I shared my weight loss everyone was shocked and amazed.  It's been months since I felt that wave of embarrassment and then excitement to being asked to come up to the front and share my story.  It was...incredible.  All day I have been teaching about feeding your engagement bucket.  I had no clue how low my weight watchers engagement bucket was. It was exactly what I need to remind myself that this is just a small setback on my ongoing, lifelong journey to be healthy.  I am confident that once I am over these injuries, I will get these extra few pounds off and feel that much better.

So, how full is your happiness bucket?