Wednesday, November 23, 2011

I'm not actually hungry but my brain doesn't know that

Ever had that feeling like you could eat everything in your house? If you answered no to that, I'm just going to assume that you aren't human.

For everyone else- I'm curious how everyone else handles this- please respond with your helpful hints because I could use them!

I tried all my standard tactics....obviously I had dinner first and drank plenty of water and waited a good 30+ minutes after I was done dinner before I even considered entering the kitchen again. Usually this kicks my binge desire in the bud because I actually allow my brain to catch up with my stomach- what a novel thought!

30 minutes later and I still feel like I could devour everything that isn't nailed down. So, I had a little bit of my go-to craving solver- 1 serving of baked tostitos scoops with salsa (yum yum yum) along with an apple and felt a little better. To distract myself further I ripped my 3 new CDs that y'all will either cheer or point and laugh at me for. "NOW that's what I call music"- volumes 38, 39, and 40. I never looked at these albums before because I thought they were just for teeny boppers...until I was in Walmart today and realized that I liked every single one of the 20 songs on each one and they were only $12. HECK YEAH! So now I finally have some decent workout music. RHCP, I still love you, but sometimes you just plain suck to run or lift to and I want some Britney and Pit Bull.

So...I came here to further distract myself from further binge damage. This past week has been really stressful with my mom receiving some bad test results but it's calmed down a little bit because today the oncologist feels we can wait another month to recheck blood work and the CT scan and then go the surgery and chemo route. At least this way we can celebrate the holidays together before she goes into another round of terrible cancer crap...such a relief.

Ever since I got a scary text from her Thursday afternoon I have gone through a roller coaster of emotions and honestly can't believe I came out the other side 2 lbs lighter. I can thank my friends for that - I truly do have the best friends on the planet and I am SO lucky. After all who else would listen to my rantings and complaining and then stay on the phone with me for an hour and a half just so I didn't run to McDs and binge? Or talk to me for an hour and check on me every day even though they were sick (hugs to Jen). That's dedication because everyone knows I can TALK. I wanted to binge my brains out Thursday on my way home from a work seminar that didn't have me leaving White Marsh until 9:00 pm....yeah insanity. Thank goodness for Kevin for talking me off the ledge and letting me rant like a lunatic, although I know I could have called many others and they would have given me the same support and have in the past <3

Three years ago I wouldn't have even stopped to pick up the phone to ask for help...I would have driven directly to the nearest fast food joint and shamefully binged in seclusion, cried, felt guilty about my binge and the cycle would have continued the next day. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Straight to fat jail for me in the form of a food binge. But not now!! I have control of my own life.

And in some good news....Jen and I went shopping at the White Marsh mall yesterday and it was a BLAST! It's really amazing to be able to shop in the same stores as my fit friends FINALLY and be able to just try on cute party dresses because you want to and not burst into a puddle of pathetic fat girl tears because you can't find anything that fits. I've been there so many times before and felt so left out and miserable but that has come to an end.

I love how this dress looked and it made me feel awesome- but not enough to part with $100 for it- so here's a picture! Now looking at it I see all these flaws but I don't care because it's a size 16 and I haven't worn that dress size since I can remember. And this thing was FITTED. Happy day at Macy's!

I can't believe I just put it out there to the world my dress size, but I am damn proud of that and you better believe I will be shouting it to the world when I am a size 10!!


  1. That picture is amazing!

    This is by far my GREATEST struggle with losing weight and (especially) keeping it off. I do perfectly find during the day - I eat really healthy and don't really get cravings. But after dinner, all bets are off!

    It helps a little when I do my exercise in the evening instead of another time of the day, because then I'm not being sedentary. But even then I really struggle with staying out of the kitchen all the way until bedtime. And of course I don't make the best choices at late hours, either. Sooo frustrating.

  2. I'm just glad I get to see my gorgeous wife in a dress on Thanksgiving. I just hope someday I can be as strong as you. :-)

  3. Wow you look great. You should be very proud of the 16- what an accomplishment!